Last year I vowed never to return to Grant Park, Chicago for a concert ever again. Lollapalooza 2009 was a complete cluster of drunks, cocky frat guys with beer-bongs, wineos, colossal beach balls and half-naked chicks who shouldn’t be half-naked. I don’t even remember sitting through an entire show, except Foals (who were absolutely fantastic, BTW). It was so exhausting and ridiculous that I didn’t dare to head down to the action on Sunday, even though I purchased a 3-day pass.  My return home included an hour long discussion with my brother that basically concluded: “never again.”

Then they came out with this year’s lineup:

• Vampire Weekend
• Peter Bjorn and John
• Passion Pit
• Band of Horses
• The Killers
• The Decemberists
• Fleet Foxes
• Santigold
• Lykke Li
• TV on the Radio
• Yeah Yeah Yeahs
• Ra Ra Riot
• Friendly Fires

Buncha a-holes. See you there.

Alright, so I have to come clean about something. This is very difficult for me to admit, especially after labeling myself an ‘indie snob’ and broadcasting it with a nerdy-ass blog. Well, here it is, if you’re ready. Are you ready? Okay … so … I’m not an album person.

SAY WHAAAAAAT?

Side note: remember that India Arie song, Because I am a Queen … (don’t ask me how I know this) … ? Anyway, back in the day, when I was a pirate, I utilized Kazaa to “illegally” download that song. This was when record labels were uploading “dirty mp3s” by injecting an obnoxious noise thirty seconds into a song.  The purpose of such vicious behavior was to cease the spread of pirated music. BUT … this particular India Arie song had a different (and somewhat hilarious) form of sabotage. The lyric “sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t” was immediately followed by the interjection: “SAY WHAAAAAT?” Perfect.

Anyway, back to the part where I disclose the fact that I’m a huge poser.

Albums: I might tell you it’s because I don’t have the cheese to buy full albums. I might tell you it’s because I don’t have enough room on my hard drive. Well, I’m a liar. The truth is … I’m picky.

I’m only picky about two things in life: men and music. I’m not picky about much else. I don’t really care about my shoes or purse or dinner selection or cat name or car color or blog name or job requirements or any of that. But when it comes to men and music, I scrutinize like an 85-year-old woman with a magnifying glass and a real nasty disposition.

THUS, in my opinion, I typically consider two or three songs per album as noteworthy. The rest of the junk is just filler. Bands feel the need to fill up that album with 12 – 16 songs so they don’t look lazy to the masses. If I ruled the world, musicians would make two or three fantastic songs per album, sans fluff.

I will admit that I know nothing about music. I am not musically-inclined. I mean, I played the clarinet in high school, but I was terrible.  And I hated it.  Bottom line is this: I know what I like, and I’m confident in saying I like a band, even if I don’t know all of their songs.

The order of songs, emotional arc, etc. are no doubt important pieces to the album- design puzzle. When you get down to it, it’s an art. It’s poetry. It’s meaningful … and I appreciate that, whole-heartedly. I really do.

But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

So I’ve been slacking on my postage.  Apologies, non-readers of the blogosphere.  A major research project for school has rendered me incapable of justifying an entry. 

Since I’m still researching away and the final deadline is rapidly approaching, I figured I would share a playlist that has been rolling on my iPod deck and getting me through the project. It’s a playlist my brother sent me recently, and it happens to be the BEST playlist he’s ever shared.  

But before I hand over the playlist, I thought I’d share a fun childhood memory between my brother and me … it’s the least I could do in return.

I was around ten years old, and thus Nate (the bro) was around 15.  It was a chilly fall morning.  My parents were out of town and the house was ours to destroy.  I woke up relatively early and caught a delicious whiff of pancakes and bacon. Always being a good eater, my little heart raced in excitement and I bumbled down the stairs in my nightgown.  To my surprise, my brother was the one employing his culinary skills in front of the stove.  I glanced at the kitchen table: two places were set, edged with tall glasses of frothy orange juice and fresh fruit shimmering in the morning light.  I was immediately on guard … WTF was he up to?

“Sit down, I made a place for you. Want some pancakes?” He smiled. 

“Uh, yeah, sure…” I said cautiously.

I sat and he pleasantly served me two fat pancakes with a whistle through his lips and a skip in his step.  I felt as though I slipped into the Twilight Zone.  What did the aliens do to my brother?  I hope they don’t bring him back.  

I looked down at the steamy, aromatic plate of breakfasty goodness as he sat across the table with a wink. He began eating and, feeling it was safe to proceed, I also dug in.

Suddenly he popped up and ran back into the kitchen. “I almost forgot the tea!”

“Tea?” I inquired.

“Yeah, I know you like tea,” he responded. He walked back in with a mug in his hand a twinkle in his eye. “It’s a cold morning, better get somethin’ hot before you catch cold!” 

He placed the mug before me and stood with a grin, awaiting my first sip.  ”Go on, try it. It’s some new orange tea mom bought. I want to know how you like it.” 

I looked down at the contents of the mug, and noticed some small matter floating and bobbing at the surface. “What’s that stuff?”

“Oh, that’s how it’s made. They’re just little tea leaves. It’s good for you. Drink it.”

Naively: “Hmm … OK.”

I took a sip, and immediately my brother belted out in laughter and exclaimed, “HAH! You just drank crapper tea!” 

Mortified and unsure of what “crapper tea” was, I instantly began crying. “What’s that?! What’s that?! Oh my god, what’s that?!”

“It’s a laxative, you’re going to poo your pants!” He laughed.

That’s when my freak-out session commenced. Screaming, slapping, crying, running to the bathroom to avoid any “accidents.” I’m sure he instantly regretted the gesture, for as soon as I felt my digestive system was safe, the parents were called, and I was granted free-reign over the Nintendo for the rest of the weekend.

So here’s his playlist:

1. No Intention - Dirty Projectors

2. Dawn of the Dead - Does It Offend You, Yeah?

3. America - Robyn Hitchcock

4. Oscar Wilde - Company of Thieves

5. Little Secrets - Passion Pit

6. I’m Making Eyes At You - Black Kids

7. Your Brains vs. My Tractorbeam - Say Hi to Your Mom

8. Foxes Mate For Life - Born Ruffians

9. Hummingbird - Born Ruffians

10. Being Bad Feels Pretty Good - Does It Offend You, Yeah?

11. Epic Last Song - Does It Offend You, Yeah?

12. Sleepwalking - Office

13. Enter Me, Exit You - Office

14. Double Penetrate The Market - Office

15. Golden Phone - Micachu

16. New Heat - Stardeath and White Dwarfs

17. Good Ol’ Fashion Nightmare - Matt & Kim

18. Chicago at Night - Spoon

19. Got Nuffin - Spoon

Video of the week: This is seriously one of my top 5 favorite music videos. Not only does the song completely rock … but the hearts-on-strings and the lead singer’s rad dance moves make me wanna watch this one over and over again.

I’m concerned I morphed into Betty Crocker overnight … I mean, the lunch lady in the cafeteria at work DOES call me Betty (that’s not my name … Ting Tings what?) but according to her it’s a Betty Page reference (bangs). 

I’m concerned because my baking frequency has gone from 0 to 2. Yes, I baked some rather delish (if I do say so myself … self-promotion is a foolproof way to establish egocentrism) chocolate chip cookies this week, and last night (gasp!) I made some banana-chocolate-chip muffins from SCRATCH.

Of course, when I make these fatty, sugary concoctions I must load them into a rubbermaid container and haul them into the office to avoid buttock growth beyond repair.  The reviews I’ve received so far (these are REAL food critics too … aka marketing interns) have been positive across the board. Literally. I made a chart on our dry-erase board outlining taste-test results.

Anyway, I’m wondering if this whole baking thing is my calling?  Maybe internet advertising for recruiting is NOT my niche. Plus, how long will the internet be around anyway? I’d argue ovens will be around forever. I mean, hell, they’ve been around since Medieval Times (or maybe even longer, shaw!)

So here’s what I listen to when I’m baking up a storm:

1. Cold Hands (Warm Heart) - Brendan Benson

2. Be Gentle With Me - The Boy Least Likely To

3. Dance, Dance, Dance - Lykee Li

4. Oh! - Sleater-Kinney

5. You, Me and the Bourgeoisie

6. Paris 2004 - Peter Bjorn and John

7. The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

8. Goods - Mates of State

9. Hold Your Secrets to Your Heart - Miracle Fortress

10. The King of Carrot Flowers - Neutral Milk Hotel

11. Nantes - Beirut

12. West Coast - Coconut Records

13. Once Around the Block - Badly Drawn Boy

A major load has escaped me now that I’ve unleashed my selection woes via rap-therapy. 

This week I’ll introduce you to Stars, (AKA my favorite band on the planet). Here’s why:

Genre

Stars fits a variety of genres: alternative, pop, electronic, new wave, indie rock.  Variety isn’t easy but this group would make Michael Jackson blush … (if it was possible).  With the release of each album comes an entirely different mood and sound.  I am grateful for their well-rounded, potpourri approach because they are there for me for any state of mind: whimsy, bored, pensive, happy, hungry, frazzled, dazzled, haggard (which is more of an appearance I guess … but brought on by a frazzled/hungry state of mind so it works here), ironic, cyber-sonic, melancholic, dirty, flirty, and pissed off.

Bio stuffs

Formed in Toronto and now residing in Montreal, Stars has built a relatively large fan base in both Canada and the U.S.  Their music is soulful, sophisticated, and remarkably astute.  

Lyrical fun

I talk lyrics a lot, and I’ll say this for Stars: lyrics are thoughtful, allusive and colorful.  They’re the kind of words you feel like you can relate to no matter what.  For example, “One More Night” - “try as you might, he’s unable to speak, he grabs her by the hair, he strokes her on the cheek. The bed is unmade, like everything is. Dark little heaven at the top of the stairs.” I interpret this in my own life, believe it or not. Interpretation: “Keep truckin’, your cat can’t talk because he doesn’t know English, he gnaws at your eyebrows and licks you with his sandpaper tongue to wake you up. Yep, you don’t have time to make your bed because you woke up late. You don’t have time to make anything for breakfast either. On the way up the stairs to your office, you sigh b/c know you love your job but damn you wish you could’ve slept another hour or two.”

Album-speak.

I realized today that I erroneously directed my twitter-pal to their recent album, Sad Robots, when he inquired about them.  I forgot that this particular album is a little avant-garde and doesn’t really depict what Stars is all about. I consider Sad Robots as an experimental album. This mistake may cost them a potential listener, as I’m sure it turned him sour right away.  This album is for only the advanced Stars listeners, so wait until you’re comfortable with them before diving into that album.

My favorite album is Set Yourself on Fire. Second favorite (a tie): In Our Bedroom After The War and Nightsongs.

Good songs, methinks 

1. Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

2. One More Night

3. Elevator Love Letter

4. Midnight Coward

5. Write What You Know

6. Window Bird

7. Favourite Book

8. Romantic Comedy

9. Look Up

10. On Peak Hill

I could keep going until all songs are listed. 

That’s a WRAP.

I need to stress how difficult it is for me to select ONE band a week I want to highlight. To effectively portray the mess this weekly decision inflicts upon my brain, I want to begin this week with a short rap on the subject. Wanna hear it, here it goes:

Indie bands, everywhere

In my ears, my nose, my hair.

Your effect on mama (me) can be rather grand

You stick to my brain like a grain of sand

Or salt, or sugar

Or dirt, or butter

This whole discussion

Reminds me of supper.

So let’s avoid the technicality

Of certain substances that stick to me

The bottom line, my friends and foes

Is I can feel my music in my toes

Is that bad? Do I have a disease?

Some good music even makes me sneeze.

I ask “hey, can I have a tissue please?

The current song seems to appease.

These here jams run through my bones

My marrow, my eyebrows, and my scones

My take-out Chinese noodles and hamburgler phones.”

Say, I’m hungry, so I’ll end this now

My life is engrossed and filled with wow

Whenever you’re around

I’m so damn happy

So please forgive me …

If I don’t select you this week. (That was crappy.)

Chow.

This melancholy little tune really has a way of bashing my vascular organ into a bigger bloody pulp than it already is. The Weepies will do that to you. Woke up and wished that I was dead With an aching in my head I lay motionless in bed I thought of you and where you’d gone and let the world spin madly on Everything that I said I’d do Like make the world brand new And take the time for you I just got lost and slept right through the dawn And the world spins madly on I let the day go by I always say goodbye I watch the stars from my window sill The whole world is moving and I’m standing still Woke up and wished that I was dead With an aching in my head I lay motionless in bed The night is here and the day is gone And the world spins madly on I thought of you and where you’d gone And the world spins madly on.

I was originally going to do an iPod roulette on Thursdays, but I find the Genius section to be more satisfying (and not to mention easier to execute).  

Today I began with one of my favorite tunes: Amsterdam by Peter Bjorn and John. Genius results were as follows:

1. Amsterdam by Peter Bjorn and John

2. Good to Sea by Pinback

3. Shine a Light by Wolf Parade

4. Postcards From Italy by Beirut

5. Fireworks by Animal Collective

6. Rough Gem by Islands

7. We Used To Vacation by Cold War Kids

8. Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games by Of Montreal

9. Sunrise by Yesayer

10. Unless It’s Kicks by Okkervil River

Genius not only assists iTunes junkies who consistently seek new and similar tunes, it also clumps a music library together into congruous playlists.  Since the implementation of Genius, my life has been completely harmonized and filled with joy.

Until next time.